Anteater, 21, seeks ant for long term relationship. Box 208

Broken legs? 46, good looking straight guy seeks woman with casts for fun and frolics. Box 209

Black woman, 32, seeks golf playing guy with dimples. Box 210

Derek, we met on the bus last Tuesday and I still have your false elbow. Call me. Box 211

Foxy lady seeks foxy gentleman to make foxes with. Box 212

Grape fetishist, male, 27, seeks understanding lady with large hands. Box  213

Irish Wolfhound seeks lady with a leash. Genuine. Box 214

Unsteady on my feet. Inner ear problem, but full of love. You, lady 35+, for fun and dancing. Box 215

Transvestite naturist seeks end to confusion. Box 216

Harpist wanted by male angel, 2.8Myrs, to enjoy the higher things in life. Box 217

Agoraphobic claustrophobe seeks woman with very large cupboard. Box 218

(Advertisers must hold a current certificate demonstrating membership of the Yeah, Really Institute of Massage .)

Emile Zola and his garden roller, unhurried massage. Box 306

Babette busty blonde from France, will massage you all over South London (weather permitting) Box 307

Detective Inspector Davis, Vice Squad, will give sensual full body to body massage. Call and leave name and address. Thanks. Box 308

Barry is hung like a donkey and is ever so funky. Massage to music. Box 309.

Cheryl and Beryl, almost identical twins. Box 310

Barry Beaumont will shave your shoulders. No fees. Box 311

Nasal cleanliness guaranteed. Box  312

Mud wrestlers available for weddings and bar mitsvas. Box 313.

Yodelling, 24hr service. Box 314

Lost, Archie, eighteen foot reticulated python. Please check your garage. Thanks. Box 315

Found, used piece of dental floss. If you can describe it, it's yours. Box 316.

Verucca, hardly used, Offers. Box 317

My husband was a serial killer and he just went to the chair, so we are having a garage sale. All kinds of useful stuff, balaclavas, knives, gun magazines etc. Send s.a.e. for full list. Box 318

Vauxhall Astra, 1998, low mileage, vgc, large dent and some bloodstains on nearside wing, £1,500 ono Box 319.

Stolen video machine. Works. Box 320

Snowshoes, size 6, hardly worn. Box 321

Liposuction set, suit DIYer looking for new business venture. Box 322.

Onion rings, croutons etc. Free to a good home. Box 323

Litter of kittens, some still alive. Offers. Box 324

Urine, you collect. Box 325

Asbestos dust. Top quality. Box 326

Bridesmaid's dress, size 97. Also matching helium cylinder. Will split. Box 327

Muddy puddle with oil floating on it. Cash waiting. Box 328.

Cheese, any condition. Box 329

Yacht owner needs new anchor. Suit overweight person. Box 330

Gas testers wanted. No experience necessary. Apply Porton Down, c/o Box 331

Six foot four tall? Fifteen stone? I have a hole in the road outside my house and I need someone to lie in it while I reverse my car out. Box  333

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